Tags:
Book reviews | Fathers | Interviews | Parenting | Sports
Biblical manhood | Fathers | Leadership | Vacations
In part three of this series, C.J. continues explaining seven lessons he’s learned in leading his family on vacation. See the first part here and the second part here. 6. Intentionally Together Family vacations are FAMILY vacations! Ultimately family vacations are about being together as a family, deepening our relationships with each other, conversing together, laughing together and encouraging each other. It’s about telling the same stories (embellished still more) and laughing even harder than the last time. It’s about being together as a family. What a family does together is much more important than where a family goes together. It’s possible to invest some serious coin in a family vacation and not experience the deepening of relationships as a family. And it’s possible to have a low-budget vacation that is truly wealthy in what matters, developing close relationships as a family, and creating memories that make a difference, all for the glory of God. So the purpose of a vacation transcends the location and transcends an individual child or the personal preference of a family member. A wise father prepares his children for a FAMILY vacation, and he adjusts everyone’s expectations accordingly prior to the vacation and monitors those expectations during the vacation. This protects the vacation from merely becoming a context where each member of the family is selfishly pursuing their preference apart from consideration for the family. Remember, it’s a FAMILY vacation, intended to build the family together and deepen the relationships between family members. 7. Gratefulness to God Most importantly, fathers should use their vacations as an opportunity to express gratefulness to God. Family vacations are only possible because of the kindness and generosity of God. Vacations are a gift from God. I want my family to perceive God’s kindness and generosity each day, and I want them to express their gratefulness to God each day. But in order for this to take place we need discerning hearts and eyes. So at the outset of a vacation I equip my family with theologically informed discernment, because it’s possible for us to be blessed by God but not perceptive of God or grateful to God. Fathers, it is our privilege and responsibility to model gratefulness to God for our family during vacations. Last year at the beginning of our vacation, I read the following quote by C.S. Lewis to my family and took a few minutes to prepare them for our vacation and the appropriate response to God each day during our vacation. Lewis writes,
Pleasures are shafts of glory as it strikes our sensibility … I have tried to make every pleasure into a channel of adoration. I don’t mean simply by giving thanks for it. One must of course give thanks, but I meant something different … Gratitude exclaims, very properly, “How good of God to give me this.” Adoration says, “What must be the quality of that Being whose far-off and momentary coruscations [I had to look this word up!] are like this!” One’s mind runs back up the sunbeam to the sun … If this is Hedonism, it is also a somewhat arduous discipline. But it is worth some labour.*
I love this quote. It’s perfect for vacations. The content of this quote will give you new eyes, so you and your family can discern the kindness and generosity of God during your vacation. The content of this quote will inspire you to appropriately and specifically express your gratefulness to God for the many gifts you receive from him on your vacation. But don’t stop with gratefulness. Notice how Lewis distinguishes between thankfulness and adoration. I not only want my children to be grateful to God (“How good of God to give me this”), but ultimately I want them to be amazed by this God, amazed by “the quality of that Being” who has provided all these gifts, and adore him. I informed my family of all we had planned for our vacation and informed them that we not only wanted to give thanks to God for each of these gifts, but to ponder the God who thought up and created these activities, and realize what this reveals about God so that we can appropriately adore him. So let your vacation be filled with the sounds of gratefulness but also moments of appropriate adoration. Let us realize what everything we experience reveals about God himself! You can apply this to each and every moment and activity on your vacation regardless of where you go or what you do. This quote and the content of this quote became the theme for our entire vacation last year. I pray it serves you similarly this year. Conclusion Fathers, I hope some of the lessons I have learned over the years and the mistakes I’ve made and sins I’ve committed on vacation somehow serve you and make a difference in your vacation experience. Before you this summer is a sweet opportunity from God to deepen relationships between family members and create memories that your children will never forget, memories that will outlive you. You can rest when you get home. ---------------- Footnote: * C.S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm Chiefly on Prayer (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1963), 89–90. Quoted in John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God (Crossway, 2004), 18.
In part two of this series, C.J. continues explaining seven lessons he’s learned in leading his family on vacation. See the first part here. 3. An Awareness of Indwelling Sin Don’t forget about indwelling sin. Though you are going on vacation, you would be wise to remember that sin never does. Merely altering one’s geography doesn’t subdue or silence sin. We are deceived if we think that a mere change in location or finding an idyllic setting will somehow suspend the active nature of sin. Actually sin can be quite active on a vacation, intent on ruining it. If the husband is not prepared for sin and temptation, he and his family will be more vulnerable to sin and temptation. A wise husband begins by anticipating how and where he will be tempted by sin on vacation. Ponder in advance your existing sin patterns and potential temptations on this vacation, and prepare in advance for those temptations. And by all means include your wife in this process prior to vacation, and ask for her observations and correction on the vacation. Countless times on vacation Carolyn has protected me from sin with her counsel, correction, and encouragement. Gentlemen, it’s not whether you will be tempted to sin on vacation, it’s how and when you will be tempted to sin. Prepare now for that moment so that by God’s grace you will not be deceived by temptation and sin. And prepare your children for their unique temptations. Review with your children the temptation and tendency to be selfish or complain with specific instructions of how and when this could take place. Prepare them with appropriate passages from Scripture for their conflict with sin. And most important, prepare them for opportunities to serve and express gratefulness (particularly to mom) throughout the vacation. Make sure they understand that we are not taking a vacation from the joyful cultivation of godliness. 4. Studying Your Family Determine in advance how to most effectively serve your family on vacation. Personally, my idea of a great vacation is nonstop activity. I love doing stuff. I don’t view resting or the cessation of activity as restful or refreshing. Nope. I want to be attacking life each day and doing something every moment of each day of vacation. That’s what I want to do on vacation. But I’ve learned that this approach to life and vacations is not shared by my wife and daughters (although I am glad to say it is by my son!). Years ago our vacations were characterized by careful planning and maximum activity each day. Wherever we were there was stuff to do and we were going to do it all! And I expected my family would love it all and enjoy it all and at the end of each day they would effusively express their gratefulness and acknowledge that no one presently on earth or ever in history planned and led more effective vacations than I did. But it didn’t work out that way. Though it has been a number of years, I vividly remember one particular vacation when my wife wisely approached me asking if it would be possible to rest at some point during the vacation. Though I was perplexed why anyone would want to rest on vacation, I listened, and by God’s grace learned how to more effectively serve my family on vacation. I realized that my planning for our vacation was largely informed by my preferences, not the preferences of my wife and children. That conversation with Carolyn has made a difference in my vacation planning. And since that conversation, it has been my practice to meet with my family prior to vacation and find out from each of them what they would like to do on our vacation so I can create a context for the fulfillment of all they desire if at all possible. And so, we don’t do as much as we once did on vacation, but I’m happy to report, I am more effectively serving my family on vacation. Now, your family is no doubt different than my family. Maybe your family loves filling each day with as much activity as possible. And maybe your idea of a vacation involves as little movement as possible each day. If so, perhaps the most effective way you can serve your family is doing as much stuff as possible each day. If you’re lacking ideas, give me a call; I’ve got plenty of them that I haven’t been able to use. How can you most effectively serve your family on vacation? Well, in order to answer this question you must study your family and interview your family. Find out what they would like to do and if possible make it happen, even if it involves just resting and relaxing. 5. Skillful Surprises Let there be surprises during each vacation! Create a tradition of surprising your family. Personally, I love to surprise my family (I’m sure you do too). And I try to do this throughout the year. But I want this to be a part of each family vacation as well. Effective surprises begin with studying each member of your family to discover what a meaningful and memorable surprise would involve. But trust me, each member of your family loves to be surprised. Now, I could provide you with a list of ways I have surprised members of my family over the years, but I don’t think that would serve you. It wouldn’t serve you because most likely the members of my family are different from the members of your family. You see, effective surprising is a skill. It is a developed skill rooted in the discerning study of a family member. You must study them and discern their passions and gifts, their preferences and joys in order to effectively create and craft a surprise for them. And what a joy it is to surprise them! Actually the most important effect of surprising our family is not the surprise itself but the communication of our deep affection for them through the surprise. Long after the surprise has taken place or the gift has outlived its usefulness, the expression of affection and the memory of the moment remains. Think carefully and plan purposefully whom you can surprise. So how can you surprise your family and communicate your deep affection on your summer vacation? [To be continued …]
Recently on the blog we posted seven consecutive sections from C.J.’s chapter “God, My Heart, and Clothes,” which will be published in the forthcoming book Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World (Crossway). The book was written by a team of C.J. and four other Sovereign Grace leaders—Dave Harvey, Bob Kauflin, Jeff Purswell, and Craig Cabaniss. John Piper added the foreword. Though books will not ship until late September, Crossway Books has extended to our blog readers a generous 35 percent discount on pre-orders. For the next two weeks simply go to the Worldliness product page, click “pre-order” and enter coupon code: 8SG1. And with the completion of the modesty blog series, we’ve created an index of the posts and added discussion questions below (which also appear in the printed book). For convenience, we’ve compiled the chapter (the full content of the blog posts) and the discussion questions into one PDF (download here). Modesty Series Index Modesty: God, My Heart, and Clothes (pt. 1) Modesty: The Attitude of the Modest Woman (pt. 2) Modesty: The Appearance of the Modest Woman (pt. 3) Modesty: A Pastor’s Concern (pt. 4) Modesty: A Word to Fathers (pt. 5) Modesty: The Right Adornment (pt. 6) Modesty: The Modest Woman's Allegiance (pt. 7) Modesty Discussion Questions For Your Mind 1) Read 1 Timothy 2:3–10. What do these verses say about the motivation for modest dress? 2) How do we know that 1 Timothy 2:9 does not prohibit women from making themselves beautiful? 3) How do women who dress modestly serve men? For Your Heart 4) Who are you trying to imitate or identify with through your appearance—godly women, or women of the world? 5) This chapter notes that your wardrobe is a public statement of your personal and private motivation. What does your clothing communicate about your motivations and priorities? 6) Think of a woman who is admired for her godly character and good works. What aspects of her godliness do you particularly want to emulate? For Your Life 7) What about your wardrobe may need to change so that your appearance can better reflect the transforming power of the gospel? 8) What steps can you take on your next shopping trip to ensure that your clothing purchases reflect humility, modesty, and self-control? (Some ideas: Pray for God’s help and provision in finding modest clothing; check each article of clothing you try on for modesty as well as fit; ask your father, husband, or a trusted friend to evaluate items you’re not sure about.) 9) Mothers, what steps can you take to train your daughters to value godliness over fashion, to nurture humility and self-control, and to wear clothing that reflects these virtues? Fathers, what steps can you take to care for and lead your daughters in humility, self-control, and modesty?
Biblical womanhood | Fathers | Modesty | Parenting | Worldliness
Nowhere is the word great mentioned more often in our culture than in the context of professional sports. If you watch any game this weekend and listen to the announcer’s commentary, then like a mantra you’ll probably hear the word great repeated throughout—great, great, great. Yet it may well be that nowhere in our culture is the absence of true greatness more evident than in professional sports. So be careful about cultivating an excessive love for professional or collegiate athletics in your child. (pp. 161-162)
Without minimizing the skill as a gift from God, I want to direct my son’s attention to character as theologically defined and described. So as Chad and I watch the game, I will draw his attention to any evidence of humility or unselfishness I observe, as well as any expression of arrogance or selfishness. I will celebrate the former and ridicule the latter. I don’t just watch the game with Chad; I seize it as a teaching moment to equip him with discernment about true greatness in the eyes of God. Watching sports actively is about imparting theologically informed discernment. 3. Foster fellowship. We need to make sure a room full of people are not simply passively watching the Super Bowl. With the right leadership, and with a simple changing of the channel, commercial time can be time redeemed. Don’t misunderstand. It’s perfectly legitimate to watch and enjoy the game. I’m not advocating that you invite those who have no interest in the game and who want to distract your attention from the game. Actually, I don’t recommend you invite those folks over for the game. You can arrange to meet with those people at another time. In strategically inviting people to watch the game with us we should make sure we don’t neglect interacting with others for the sake of simply watching the game. Watching the game should involve building relationships. 4. Draw attention to the eternal. Sometime after the game—that same evening or the next day—it’s helpful for a father to draw his child’s attention to the game in light of eternity. It’s also helpful for us as fathers to be reminded of an eternal perspective. Apart from those few who listen excessively to sports talk radio, this game will be quickly forgotten. Let me ask you this—who won the Super Bowl even five years ago? The day before the 1972 Super Bowl, Dallas Cowboy running back Duane Thomas said, “If it’s the ultimate game, how come they’re playing it again next year?” Some players seem to get it. Sadly, many fans don’t. More recently Tom Brady—quarterback of three Super Bowl championships—is quoted in a 60 Minutes interview saying,
Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still think there’s something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, ‘Hey man, this is what is.’ I reached my goal, my dream, my life. I think, ‘God, it’s got to be more than this.’ I mean this isn’t, this can’t be, what it’s all cracked up to be.
I would anticipate that a week or two from now, even if the Patriots win and complete a perfect season, Brady will still experience the same dissatisfaction in his soul. As Augustine said, “You [God] made us for yourself, and our hearts find no peace till they rest in you.” We must impart this eternal perspective to our children. Super Bowl XLII predictions Okay, on to predictions. Who will win? I predict that New England will win easily and decisively. How’s that for a bold and risky prediction? Who do I want to win? I cannot believe I’m saying this, but Sunday I will be rooting for the New York Giants. As a lifelong fan of the Washington Redskins, it’s most unusual for me to root for the Giants. The Giants are a division rival. In the NFC East, I scorn teams in order of priority. I despise the Dallas Cowboys. I strongly dislike the New York Giants. I dislike the Philadelphia Eagles. Just like my dad taught me. “Spygate” The primary reason I’m rooting against the Patriots is because of “spygate.” Let me fill you in on the details. The Patriots were caught filming the NY Jets’ sideline signals to the offense and defense. There was nothing subtle about what the Patriots were doing. Their camera was confiscated on the Jets sideline! I would argue this gave them an unfair advantage— and this is cheating, plain and simple. The Patriots protested this advantage. But if it didn’t provide them an advantage, why would they have done it?! They also made statements about how everyone else in the league does it. So what? Everyone else that does it should be penalized as well. They were clearly caught doing it. There should have been a specific and humble acknowledgement of their actions. There was a pathetic attempt at an apology by coach Belichick followed by what I thought was an insufficient penalty by the NFL upon them. (What, no suspensions?) Belichick’s response to the controversy portrayed the Patriots as victims! Throughout the year it was reported the team was motivated to win because of this charge and discipline – as if they had been wronged. Instead of shame and acknowledgement for their actions, they transferred blame to the Jets and the NFL for calling them out! Yet another ethical deficiency in professional sports. How can the Giants win? This upset would require another turnover-free performance by Eli Manning. And it would require an effective running game by Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw. (Averaging over eight yards per carry, it’s perplexing why Bradshaw doesn’t get more carries.) But it will also take pressure on Brady from the defensive line. In order to surprise and intimidate Brady, at different times during the game the Giants will need to rush and rush hard. Here’s a recommendation for the Giants defensive coordinator: Just once, rush all eleven guys! Tell all eleven to blitz and make loud, frightening noises as they rush towards Brady. We’ll call this “C.J.’s special blitz package.” (Growing up I found this defensive approach to be very effective in our backyard pickup games.) The less-risky version of this package includes rushing ten guys and leaving one back for coverage. How can the Patriots win? As long as they are prepared for the “C.J.’s special blitz package,” the Partriots need only show up to win this one. Conclusion As you can see by the vast insight present in this post, it’s surprising that I’m not asked about my sports knowledge more often. What may be more surprising to you—I wrote a book on humility. Go figure.
Parenting | Sports | Fathers | Discernment